How many dogs does it take to change a light bulb? 

Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we’ve got our whole lives ahead of us, and you’re inside worrying about a stupid burned out bulb?

 Border Collie: Just one. And then I’ll replace any wiring that’s not up to code.

 Dachshund: You know I can’t reach that stupid lamp!

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1. They live here. You don’t.
2. If you don’t want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture (that’s why it’s called ‘fur’-niture).

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What is the difference between a cat and a comma? One has the paws before the claws and the other has the clause before the pause.